Should old acquaintances
by alli1
Summary: The end of 2008 brings reflection and change. Warning: Not like my other stories. Spoilers: Silent Night, Requiem, others from seasons 5 and 6


A/N: This story does not fit with my others and in fact is nothing like those. This is simply a reflection of how I've been feeling about NCIS and the way Gibbs and Tony have been portrayed as of late. I know other writers have explored similar themes lately—this is just my take on it. Warning: It is not a happy story, but I do think it's realistic.

SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCES BE FORGOT

Gibbs strode through the near empty hallways of NCIS, coffee from the nearby 7-11, the only place he could find open on Christmas, clutched in his hand and the trace of a smile on his face, remembering his father's sincere pleasure at the unexpected phone call.

He had seen most of the team's cars still in the parking lot, so he knew they were somewhere around. Probably in MTAC, since he had heard rumors that Tony was commandeering the big screen in there for his own private Christmas showing of his favorite movie. He glanced at his watch, debating on joining them, but just as he set his foot on the stairs leading to MTAC, the door opened and they all came out, looking weary but chatting cheerfully.

Abby squealed when she saw him. "Gibbs! I just knew you wouldn't abandon us on Christmas!"

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "Time to go home, Abbs, and salvage what you can of the holiday."

"How did it go with Quinn and his daughter?" McGee asked, touched in spite of himself by the idea of a father/daughter reunion.

"Don't know, McGee, but it was looking good when I left. Now, all of you go home. It's late and you all worked hard. Enjoy what you can of the day and take tomorrow, too. You've earned it."

There was some shuffling as they retrieved coats and hugs and a few 'merry Christmas's and 'happy Hanukkah's. He watched them fondly, thinking of the gift that Quinn had given him. A family portrait, in the truest sense of the word.

Tony was the last to leave, straggling behind the others. "Left something for you on your desk, boss," he said, wrapping a scarf around his neck.

Gibbs glanced back, noticing a few brightly wrapped gifts, but none that looked like the usual bottle of liquor. Of course, his desk was so cluttered it would be easy to miss a bottle.

As if reading his mind, Tony smiled slightly. "No Jack this year, boss. Thought of something you might want more." With a final good night, the younger man headed for the elevator.

Gibbs watched him go and then stood by the tree, staring out over the Anacostia. It was his favorite view, and it was especially nice with the snowfall the city had had over the last two days. Unusual for D.C. in December, but nice just the same, even if it did mean that most drivers turned into lunatics on the road. And people thought his driving was bad.

After a short time, he strode back to his desk to gather his things, realizing he needed to get some sleep if he was going to make the drive to Stillwater in the morning. His father had been so pleased at his coming; it hadn't even mattered that he'd be a day late for the holiday.

He smiled when he noticed a gift that could only be from Abby. Bats with Santa hats? Where did she manage to find wrapping paper like that? He paused when he noticed an envelope addressed to him in his senior agent's distinctive printing. DiNozzo must have gone with a gift certificate this year. Probably for the coffee shop down the street.

He opened the envelope and retrieved the contents, but instead of a gift coupon, he unfolded a letter. He skimmed it quickly.

December 25, 2008

To: L.J. Gibbs

From: Anthony D. DiNozzo

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation, effective January 1,

2009. I will be taking accrued sick leave and vacation time until that date. Thank

you for the opportunity of working with you these past years.

Sincerely,

Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo

Gibbs sat down hard, unable to believe what he held in front of him. He wanted to believe it was some type of ill-timed Christmas prank, but he knew better. He hadn't entirely been kidding when he told Abby that Tony needed an attitude adjustment this year. His senior agent hadn't been himself since he'd returned from his Agent Afloat assignment. His work was as good as ever, but something essential was missing and had been for months.

He grabbed the phone, determined to call DiNozzo and demand an explanation, then returned it to the cradle without dialing. There was no way this conversation could be held over the phone, even if Tony bothered to answer. No, this was a discussion that had to be held in person if he had any hope of getting to the bottom of Tony's sudden desire to leave NCIS.

He grabbed his keys and made his way to the parking garage, glad for the relatively late hour. A quick glance at his watch told him he could be at Tony's apartment in 20 minutes if the traffic had improved.

As he drove he contemplated the last few months, wondering what had finally pushed Tony into resigning and kicking himself mentally for not talking to his agent before things had come to this. He reached Tony's apartment a short time later, relieved to see a car in Tony's assigned spot.

It gave him a jolt when he realized that he couldn't really identify the car as Tony's—he had no idea what the younger man had been driving since his beloved Mustang had been sacrificed to Jenny's ill-fated undercover operation. With a sudden sense of urgency, he climbed the stairs to Tony's apartment, for once glad that Tony didn't live in one of those places where he would have to be announced.

Tony answered his brisk knock after only a moment. He was wearing jeans and a Grinch tee shirt, and was holding a glass in his hand—whiskey, he recognized by the smell.

Tony gazed at him and then asked sardonically, "Shouldn't you be on your way to Stillwater by now?"

Gibbs wasn't surprised that Tony knew he'd decided to visit his dad for Christmas—the younger man often seemed to know things about him before he did himself.

"Not until you explain what the hell you left on my desk."

Tony turned away from the door and Gibbs followed him, uninvited. A quick glance around the room showed boxes in various stages of packing—including several taped and waiting in a stack and Gibbs felt his stomach plummet. This was serious.

"I think it was pretty self-explanatory," Tony said, folding himself onto the floor in front of a box of DVDs he'd obviously been in the middle of packing. "I no longer work for you or for NCIS—at least I won't come the first of the year."

"Yeah, I got that part," Gibbs said angrily. "What I want to know is why."

Tony's eyes flashed for a moment and then he dropped his gaze with a sigh. "I got a better offer," he said finally.

"Better offer?" Gibbs snarled. "If that idiot Fornell thinks you'd be happy working for the FBI…"

Tony cut him off with a wave. "Wouldn't be packing to move if I was just transferring to the FBI, would I?" he said, and Gibbs snorted to himself. Some investigator he was.

"Then where?"

Tony laughed a little, but it was a bitter sound. "Finally took dear old dad up on one of his many job offers. Two weeks from now, I'll be head of security for DiNozzo industries, based out of Connecticut."

Gibbs threw his coat on a chair and sank to a seat on the couch, his mind reeling. Every indication he'd ever gotten over the past years told him that Tony and his father barely spoke and that when they did, the older man had nothing good to say to his only son. There had to be more going on here.

"All right, that's the 'where'. Now how about the why? Why would you go work for a man you've never seemed to respect?"

Tony took a large gulp of the glass in his hand and then continued to stare into it. "I told you, it's a good offer. Hell, better than good. Stock options, a car. Not to mention a terrific starting salary. And I still get to carry a gun."

Gibbs snorted. "Like those things have ever really meant anything to you… well, except for the gun. C'mon, Tony, there's more going on here."

Tony glanced up at him with an unreadable expression and then returned to staring into his glass "Well at least when my father insults me, he does it to my face," he finally muttered.

Gibbs was even more confused by the cryptic answer, since it seemed to be a direct dig at him. "Want to explain that?" he asked, feeling like a dentist tugging on a particularly stubborn tooth.

To his amazement, Tony's demeanor changed and he flashed a grin at him. "Like my tee shirt? Abby said she thought it was appropriate. She said you thought I needed an attitude adjustment. Apparently, the old DiNozzo charm hasn't been much in evidence lately."

Gibbs winced, remembering his flip comment to Abby's question about gifts for the team. He had no idea why she had repeated that to Tony, but it had clearly upset him.

"Of course," Tony continued in the same falsely cheerful tone, "it's just the thing to wear to draw attention to myself. And when you have a narcissistic personality, that's exactly what you want, right?"

Gibbs stared at him, confused by the comment, until something niggled at his brain. A conversation from weeks ago, during the video killer case. But that conversation had been between him and Ducky. Surely the elderly medical examiner wouldn't have told Tony about it?

Tony noticed his confusion. "I buzzed down to autopsy, trying to track you down about what we had found out about the video that was sent. I heard you and Ducky talking and it only took a minute to figure out who you were referring to. After all, that's me, right? Always having to be… how did Ducky phrase it? Oh yeah, 'the hero of his own story.'"

"Tony, it wasn't like that," Gibbs began helplessly, wanting to explain and then realizing he couldn't. What could he say? Sorry we were talking about you behind your back? Sorry you overheard something nasty?

"Yeah, it was, but it doesn't matter anyway. Now you and Ducky and the rest of the team can talk about me to your heart's content. And just think how happy Vance will be. His lack of faith in me will be perfectly justified. Best gift I could give him."

"Tony, I'm sorry you heard what Ducky and I said, but you're taking it out of context. And anyway, screw Vance. He's never appreciated you for the work you do."

"Oh, and you do? Face it boss, to you I've always been a fuck up—just one mistake away from being fired, or so you've always led me to believe."

"Tony, I know what a good agent you are. I've always known. If Vance is too stupid to see it for himself, that's his problem."

"Really? Well it became _my_ problem when he sent me off to do my punishment for getting the director killed on the Reagan, didn't it? Four fucking months of my life, stuck on that damn ship," Tony said in disgust.

"That wasn't punishment!" Gibbs protested, but it was weak even to his own ears. "Vance wanted to track a spy."

Tony looked at Gibbs like he had lost his mind. "Tell me you don't actually believe that? C'mon, give me something to justify my faith in you all these years. I'd hate to think I was a complete fool."

Gibbs scowled but ignored the jibe. "Look, maybe Vance did go about it in the wrong way, but he told me he never sent you away to punish you. We all knew Jenny was responsible for how that whole thing played out."

Tony's eyes were flashing now, spitting green sparks. "That's why you made sure I knew that before I left? That's why you made sure to keep in touch while I was gone? Go to hell, Gibbs. We both know how you felt when I left. You blamed me for getting your precious, sort-of ex-girlfriend killed. Face it, you were only too happy to let me rot on that ship."

Gibbs heard the vitriol in Tony's words and felt himself grow cold with a feeling he remembered from some of the many fights he had had with his assorted ex-wives. The feeling that he and Tony had crossed a chasm they could never go back over. He knew without a doubt that regardless of what he said to Tony, and how things ended between them this night, the relationship he had with his senior field agent would never be the same.

He absorbed the words and the anger behind them, knowing that Tony had a right to vent them. He _had _hurt Tony, and he _had_ let Vance send him away with little more than a token protest—not because he really blamed the younger man, but because looking at him everyday would have reminded him of his own failures.

Tony's anger seemed spent now, and his voice was weary and sad. "The only reason I was willing to take the assignment on the Reagan was because I thought I deserved it. But while I was there, I had a lot of time to think and I realized that I didn't. But now I just wish you had left me there. Because I thought that being sent away was the worst thing that could happen to me…until I came home."

That admission startled Gibbs. He thought Tony had been as happy to return to the team as they were to have him back. "Tony, Abby barely spoke to me in the months you were gone except to remind me how long you'd been away. And McGee and Ziva were happy to be reunited, too. Everyone wanted the team back together."

"Everyone but you!" Tony accused. "Everything's been different since I've been back, and don't bother to deny it. You haven't even head-slapped me in months."

Gibbs threw his hands up in exasperation. "I thought you hated it when I smacked you in the head! And did you ever stop to think that maybe I stopped doing it because you didn't need it anymore?"

"Depends how you define 'need'," Tony said cryptically. Then he pushed himself off the floor. "Look, it's late and this isn't how either one of us planned on spending Christmas, so let's both just get back to what we need to be doing. I'll be in at some point next week to say goodbye to everyone and turn in my badge. I'm going to see if there's a way I can purchase my service weapon. I've gotten kind of used to it these last few years."

Gibbs listened to Tony blithely explaining his plans as though they were of no consequence and glared at the younger man like he was crazy. "We're not finished here, DiNozzo. There's no way I'm leaving until this is settled."

"Things are settled," Tony returned stubbornly. "There's nothing more to say. I'm sorry you had to delay visiting your dad for this, but it really wasn't necessary. I never expected you to come running over here in the middle of the night."

"The hell you didn't!" Gibbs stood too, his own anger beginning to surface. "What did you think, DiNozzo, that I'd read your letter and then just hop in a car and drive to Stillwater?"

"Well, why shouldn't you? Isn't that what people are supposed to do? Spend the holidays with their families?" Tony taunted.

"Yeah, they should. And that's what I'm doing right now," Gibbs said softly, his anger draining. He moved closer to Tony, relieved beyond measure that the younger man didn't step back. Resting his hands on Tony's shoulders, he stared into the miserable green eyes. "I am so sorry I hurt you Tony, and that I never let you know how much you mean to me, or how much I missed you when you were gone."

Tony stared back for a moment and then quickly looked away. "Thanks, I guess, for telling me now. I wish I could tell you that it's okay, and that everything is all right between us now, but I can't. I guess it just came a little too late."

He moved away then, needing some distance between them if he was going to finish this. "But it's not just what happened since I've been back that's hurt. It's been years of your putdowns and dismissals of my abilities."

Tony could see the protest forming in Gibbs's eyes and held up his hand. "I don't expect the great L.J. Gibbs to see anything wrong in his behavior. And in all fairness, you haven't really changed much. It just hurts more now, I guess. No matter what I do, it isn't good enough to earn me anything from you. Even when I saved you and Maddie from drowning, I didn't even rate a thank you."

"Is that what this is about? Because I didn't say thank you enough?" Gibbs demanded, though he knew Tony was making a valid point.

"You still don't get it, do you? It's not any one thing. It's everything together. The snide remarks, the criticism of everything I do, leaving me—your senior field agent—out of the loop when you were trying to trap Lee, even though it almost got me killed--again. All of it."

"Like you left me out of the loop with that damn La Grenouille operation?" Gibbs shot back, realizing he was being unfair but unable to stop himself. His guilt increased immeasurably when he saw the wounded look in Tony's eyes.

"I knew you'd never forgive me for that," Tony said despondently. "I tried to tell Jenny it was wrong to leave you out of it, but she didn't care. She just wanted to get Benoit. And I was so caught up in my relationship with Jeanne, I couldn't think straight."

"You never should have been left in that op for so long," Gibbs said, feeling another flare of anger toward his former lover. No doubt about it, Jenny had changed in the years since they'd been together in Paris, and not for the better.

Tony shrugged wearily. "You know, Jeanne made me choose between her and the team, and at the time I thought I was making the right decision. Now I know I didn't."

"Jeanne was in love with Tony DiNardo, film professor," Gibbs said gently. "She wasn't in love with the real you, Tony."

"The real me? Who the hell knows who 'the real me' is? And if your point is that you and the team do know the real me, you're wrong. I don't even know who I am anymore. I guess that's why I'm going back to work for my father. So I can start over again, back at my roots."

Gibbs heard the finality in Tony's voice and realized that his chance of getting the younger man to change his mind and stay with NCIS was irrevocably lost. The most he could hope for now was that they could part as friends. And that the rest of the team eventually forgave him for driving Tony away.

"So now what happens?" Gibbs asked, afraid of the answer.

Tony smiled at him, but it was a pale reflection of his normal dazzling grin. "Guess keeping in touch by email will be pretty tough since you rarely use it. We'll just have to stick to phone calls. And you know, Connecticut isn't the end of the earth. I'm sure I'll be back in DC a time or two. We could go for coffee."

Gibbs just nodded, surprised to find himself unable to speak. He knew that no matter what Tony said, it was unlikely he'd spend any real time with his senior field agent again. With numb fingers, he reached for his coat, unable to believe that he had let things come to this point.

Once it was on, he turned back to the younger man. "Take care of yourself, Tony. And if you need anything…" his voice broke off, unable to continue.

"Thanks, boss," Tony replied, eyes sparkling. He stuck his hand out for a handshake, and then grunted as Gibbs pulled him in for a hug.

"Don't let the old man work you too hard," Gibbs whispered in his ear. Then he pulled back and looked Tony right in the eye. "And don't let him take you for granted."

The unspoken 'like I did' lay between them.

"I won't boss," Tony replied, his own voice cracking.

Unable to say more, Gibbs quickly turned and left the apartment. Reaching the outer door, he noticed that the snow that had been so beautiful before had now turned into a cold rain. Turning his collar up, he made his way back to his car.

He'd still head for Stillwater in the morning, but first he had a letter to write.

Vance would have two gifts waiting for him when he returned to the office.

THE END


End file.
